I have a son.

I woke up overjoyed today. Yesterday I was simply a childless woman waiting for my raffle number to be picked. Today I have a son, we named him Lucas and he’s in the NICU fighting for his life.

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A day before the committee meeting to pick out my son’s family, I was in the nursery room, building a crib… in my pj’s. I felt like a crazy lady. I was emotionally tired. I cried every few minutes. I think I could’ve thrown up if I had anything in my stomach. I started to dread Thursday’s. Last Thursday we got the news that little J, an almost three year old that has leukemia, got a mama and a papa, the family wasn’t us. I was heartbroken. The day after, the social worker told me some of the reasons we didn’t get picked for him- military and age (we are too young). After that, hopes of adopting soon, wavered.

I know that today Lucas is mine but he has been mine for such a long time. The moment I heard about him, my heart made a connection. There wasn’t a day when I didn’t think of him. On Monday, when my brother in law vocally and proudly expressed that we’d be stupid to adopt a sick child, my heart felt sickened by his words as I thought about Lucas. I was a mother to Lucas the moment I heard about him and I didn’t even know it.

A year ago, when we started this adoption process, he wasn’t even created.

Six months ago, as I cried in front of the Christmas tree over my childlessness, he grew in his birth mothers womb.

Three months ago, when the process got stalled, Lucas made an entrance to this world, a little too early but just in time before he got aborted.

Three weeks ago, when we finally got approved to adopt, Lucas learned to breath on his own as his organs slowly developed.

Two weeks ago, as my husband and I went on a sushi date to escape the whelming process we got into, we got the email- baby. boy. adoption. micro. preemie. meth.

A week ago, I was buying a crib, planning the exact miles and time it took me to get to Lucas even though we didn’t know if he’d be ours.

Yesterday, I was praying hard. I got to the pleading point. I asked God selfishly “pick me God, let us have Lucas” in the final hour of the wait.

Today, I am a mother. I have a son. I haven’t seen him, heard him, held him but he is mine (for as long God wants me to have him) and I will try to be the best mother to him.

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I am in awe. I’m still in shock but as I write this I smile. Don’t expect anything less than utter amazement and surprise from God. I can’t even begin to explain the peace I felt all morning yesterday; I knitted, I danced as I washed the dishes, I prayed, I sang to Him a few melodies. My heart stood still, knowing that all things were going to work out for the good… but I didn’t expect it to be this GOOD!

I can’t thank you all enough. Our friends, our family, my readers, my friends’ friend’s, thank you all for being amazing and praying for us, encouraging us, and simply thinking of us. This is what the church is, over exceeding the four walls of a building and coming together in prayer and encouragement, and man, we are so blessed to be part of this.

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I do ask for continuous prayer. Lucas is still in critical condition. We will be meeting with his social workers next Wednesday and won’t be able to see him sometime after Thursday. We won’t be able to post any pictures here or on Facebook due to some adoption privacy requirements but  know that I am as eager and excited to see him!

We are finally a family of three (four if you count in Jimmy the dog). Glory and honor be to God! <3