I’ve become somewhat of a hoarder.
My closets seem to have reached their maximum capacity on stored baby clothes that have no chance of fitting my soon to be 1 year old.
I can’t seem to rationalize giving away or selling any of it and I’ve realized I have developed an emotional tie to it.
I can’t give my baby’s clothes away because I somehow hope I will adopt/have another baby against the odds. The chances seem 1 in a billion, really but I remain hopeful. Then, all at the same time, my heart aches. There’s that billion against 1 chance that I won’t be a mother to another baby. Behold- We WILL be adopting another child but this beloved child of ours will (most likely) not be in the baby stage.
You might be thinking “ye of little faith” or something along those lines but I can’t tell you how many women I know that have walked in my shoes for years and have yet to expect a little baby. I have faith that God’s plan is better than mine, right? But His plan may or may not be for us to have a little baby again.
I’ve been cherishing baby time; Kissing his baby feet every chance I get, indulging in baby talk “gaaaahhhh pfffffffft baaaaaaaahhh”, and soaking in all those precious smiles every time I turn his way. So I hoard those moments too… this would be the good type of hoarding and what other people call “memories”.
I don’t know when I’ll be fine to let go of these items of clothing, cloth diapers (whenever he’s done with that stage), and cute baby socks because it isn’t about just letting these items go, is it? It’s about letting go to the pain, desire, aching, and my timing and that’s where it hurts. Knowing that the unknown road paved in front of me is filled with more unexpected joy, growth and trials I could ever imagine seems scary and exciting all at the same time.
So meanwhile my closets burst at the seams with baby clothes, I will cherish and hoard all the memories my little guy and I make together.
Go ahead, call me the baby clothes hoarder (and we never know, maybe hoarding baby clothes will come to good use one day)