I still can’t believe there’s a crib in my house and some airplane decor items for the baby room.
Before you get too ahead of yourself let me clarify that the crib has YET to be claimed by a baby.
We got an email on Thursday. The type of email I’ve been dreaming to receive. The one about a baby. I won’t go into the specifics because I can’t but we submitted our homestudy for him and all we’ve been doing now is waiting.
The evening we received the email my husband and I were on a date trying to escape from the overwhelming process of the adoption. God always has different plans… doesn’t He? We got the email. We replied YES, YES, YES. We’ve been waiting for a reply since then.
My mommy juices starting swirling. The next morning I could hardly breath. I needed to prepare. I started compiling a list of things I needed for the baby.
- Cloth diapers
- Glass bottles
- Diaper Bag
- Bottle warmer
I couldn’t concentrate on work (it didn’t help that I work from home). I was lost in baby land- the very place I banned myself from.
Sigh… I was excited. The possibility of having a baby boy here in my arms just gave me hope. It’s so hard NOT to hope when you’ve already submitted your homestudy for this child. It’s hard NOT to imagine our life with this child because the very moment we submitted our homestudy was the moment my husband and I could see that child in our arms forever.
Imagine this- you get the email about a child, you read brief info on them, you then have to decide whether or not you want to submit your homestudy for them. If you decide to submit your mind wanders into possibilities. You see yourself with that child. You see yourself caring for their specific needs. Your husband mentions what he’ll teach them. You continue imagining… and it goes on. Then you wait. You wait for an email. You wait for a call. You wait for an answer. You hope for the best. You hope that that child will be picked just for your family but then you realize that there’s always the possibility of the opposite. This is the rollercoaster I’ve realized I hopped into.
So now there’s a crib in our house and a plethora of ideas pinned on Pinterest for a baby room. Call me crazy or call me nesting, either way I just might go nuts. I’m clearly nesting. The saying “if you build it they will come” resonated loudly in my heart. If I have everything ready, they will come. If we ready ourselves, they will come. So we try to ready ourselves as much as possible all the while trying to guard our hearts of disappointment- its a fine line we walk but one desperately needed to cross.
So I daily wake up with that sheer desperation to hear some news and I remember, just in the nick of time, to surrender. I sit myself down and pray “God, I surrender. It’s in Your hands. My child is in Your hands”. I wait and remember to repeat as many times possible because I am only human and I want to see my child.