I really wanted to sleep in and of course he’d wake up 30 minutes earlier.
My first Mother’s Day happened yesterday.
A year ago I dreaded going to church that day but I went anyway. I got a card with a chocolate offered to me at the entrance of the church by the greeter. Part of me wanted to chuck it back at them (since we’re being honest) and say that I wasn’t a mother and part of me crumbled at the reminder that I could’ve been one. Later that day I remember trying to cheer myself up. Telling myself that I was a mama. That my baby was somewhere and that I’d meet him/her soon. Two weeks later we get the news of Baby Boy R and less than a week later Baby Boy R is matched with us.
Being a mom to such a sweet boy has been a tremendous blessing. Sometimes I forget how great this blessing is because I get caught up in the moment of insane motherhood in the endless abyss of house work, baby drool and hair pulling.
I was getting ready for church yesterday, reflecting on this special day, and I was taken back by the thought of his birth mom. My heart ached in different levels that morning. It ached for my friends that were still waiting for their baby. For those who mourned the loss of a baby. And then… for his birth mom. While I have many questions for her and about her, I can only imagine what yesterday meant for her.
You have no idea how grateful I am for you. Yesterday I was able to celebrate my first Mother’s Day. I held Lucas tighter than usual because it felt too good to be true. While he made everyone in church laugh with his sweet “dadada” words resounding off the walls during service, my heart overflowed with joy that this little guy was in our lives to brighten and enrich them for the better. I can’t imagine what you may have felt this day. Whether you enjoyed your day with your other little’s in your life or if you thought about Lucas. I pray for you. I love you. I wish you’d know just how much you mean to me. I know the circumstances weren’t ideal when he was born and I could only imagine that if things we different last year, you would have fought for him. Lucas will always know how much you love him. And when he’s old enough to understand, know that you will be celebrated right along side me on Mother’s Day. My heart bursts at the seams in gratefulness for bringing such a beautiful baby into our lives. Thank you for everything. Happy Mother’s Day.