Tag Archives: mom

Dear Birthmother {Mother’s Day}

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that SMILE!

that SMILE!

I really wanted to sleep in and of course he’d wake up 30 minutes earlier.

My first Mother’s Day happened yesterday.

A year ago I dreaded going to church that day but I went anyway. I got a card with a chocolate offered to me at the entrance of the church by the greeter. Part of me wanted to chuck it back at them (since we’re being honest) and say that I wasn’t a mother and part of me crumbled at the reminder that I could’ve been one. Later that day I remember trying to cheer myself up. Telling myself that I was a mama. That my baby was somewhere and that I’d meet him/her soon. Two weeks later we get the news of Baby Boy R and less than a week later Baby Boy R is matched with us.

Being a mom to such a sweet boy has been a tremendous blessing. Sometimes I forget how great this blessing is because I get caught up in the moment of insane motherhood in the endless abyss of house work, baby drool and hair pulling.

I was getting ready for church yesterday, reflecting on this special day, and I was taken back by the thought of his birth mom. My heart ached in different levels that morning. It ached for my friends that were still waiting for their baby. For those who mourned the loss of a baby. And then… for his birth mom. While I have many questions for her and about her, I can only imagine what yesterday meant for her.

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Dear Birthmom,

You have no idea how grateful I am for you. Yesterday I was able to celebrate my first Mother’s Day. I held Lucas tighter than usual because it felt too good to be true. While he made everyone in church laugh with his sweet “dadada” words resounding off the walls during service, my heart overflowed with joy that this little guy was in our lives to brighten and enrich them for the better. I can’t imagine what you may have felt this day. Whether you enjoyed your day with your other little’s in your life or if you thought about Lucas. I pray for you. I love you. I wish you’d know just how much you mean to me. I know the circumstances weren’t ideal when he was born and I could only imagine that if things we different last year, you would have fought for him. Lucas will always know how much you love him. And when he’s old enough to understand, know that you will be celebrated right along side me on Mother’s Day. My heart bursts at the seams in gratefulness for bringing such a beautiful baby into our lives. Thank you for everything. Happy Mother’s Day.

xoxo’s

Lovin’ Lucas {embracing motherhood}

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Mama and baby’s drink

I LOVE being a mom!

I’m finally getting in the groove of things, sort of, or maybe I feel less insane.

The sleep deprivation could be worse so I’m grateful he only wakes up 3 times a night and goes back to sleep.

I’m also trying not to kick myself over some things I expected out of myself and try to go with the flow.

Things like breast feeding; adoptive moms CAN breastfeed and I absolutely tried BUT Lucas was just not having it. It broke my heart but at least I gave it a shot.

Another thing was immunizing; in this part I have little say due to the fact that he is still under foster care AND the fact that he was born so early.

Cloth diapering; I LOVE IT! Some times we use disposables… then I feel guilty. Then I saw an article a friend on Facebook had posted about someones view on buying the $5 diapers from China.

The politics never end. Some of these things are big and some of these things are minor, each of them has a set of wildly diverse controversies I silently overlook so that I don’t lose my mind on the guilt.

So I realize that you do what you can and try to make the best out of things under the circumstance.

Plus… when Lucas wakes me up at 5 am with a bright smile and baby talk, I must be doing SOMETHING right!

I’m enjoying the little things on being a mom. I love the fact that Lucas finds comfort when mama holds him. I love being able to kiss him 500 hundred times a day (because 10 kisses at once just aren’t enough). I love when he looks at me while I feed him. I love that he’s starting to coo!

Then, at random times of the day, I cry. I cry out of sheer gratefulness. There was this part of me that prepared to never have a baby of my own in my arms. The infertility left me aching and the adoption social workers prepared me to expect anything but a baby. Holding Lucas, kissing him, caring him and being a mommy to an infant is somehow surreal.

Needless to say, I am happy! I’ve learned that through the sleepless nights and endless days with baby have been the most wonderful days I have lived. I am a momma to a precious little guy and I’m so grateful to God. Lucas is more than I ever imagined of having!

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

So all I have to share is love right now. I’m on baby bliss. Tiny toes. Baby kisses. Toothless smiles. It’s simply wonderful!

When Adoptive Momma’s Nest

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I still can’t believe there’s a crib in my house and some airplane decor items for the baby room.

Before you get too ahead of yourself let me clarify that the crib has YET to be claimed by a baby.

We got an email on Thursday. The type of email I’ve been dreaming to receive. The one about a baby. I won’t go into the specifics because I can’t but we submitted our homestudy for him and all we’ve been doing now is waiting.

The evening we received the email my husband and I were on a date trying to escape from the overwhelming process of the adoption. God always has different plans… doesn’t He? We got the email. We replied YES, YES, YES. We’ve been waiting for a reply since then.

My mommy juices starting swirling. The next morning I could hardly breath. I needed to prepare. I started compiling a list of things I needed for the baby.

  • Cloth diapers
  • Glass bottles
  • Blankets
  • Diaper Bag
  • Clothes
  • Crib
  • Wipes
  • Swing
  • Bottle warmer

I couldn’t concentrate on work (it didn’t help that I work from home). I was lost in baby land- the very place I banned myself from.

Sigh… I was excited. The possibility of having a baby boy here in my arms just gave me hope. It’s so hard NOT to hope when you’ve already submitted your homestudy for this child. It’s hard NOT to imagine our life with this child because the very moment we submitted our homestudy was the moment my husband and I could see that child in our arms forever.

Imagine this- you get the email about a child, you read brief info on them, you then have to decide whether or not you want to submit your homestudy for them. If you decide to submit your mind wanders into possibilities. You see yourself with that child. You see yourself caring for their specific needs. Your husband mentions what he’ll teach them. You continue imagining… and it goes on. Then you wait. You wait for an email. You wait for a call. You wait for an answer. You hope for the best. You hope that that child will be picked just for your family but then you realize that there’s always the possibility of the opposite. This is the rollercoaster I’ve realized I hopped into.

So now there’s a crib in our house and a plethora of ideas pinned on Pinterest for a baby room. Call me crazy or call me nesting, either way I just might go nuts. I’m clearly nesting. The saying “if you build it they will come” resonated loudly in my heart. If I have everything ready, they will come. If we ready ourselves, they will come. So we try to ready ourselves as much as possible all the while trying to guard our hearts of disappointment- its a fine line we walk but one desperately needed to cross.

So I daily wake up with that sheer desperation to hear some news and I remember, just in the nick of time, to surrender. I sit myself down and pray “God, I surrender. It’s in Your hands. My child is in Your hands”. I wait and remember to repeat as many times possible because I am only human and I want to see my child.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Happy Mother’s Day!!

Give you mom a hug for it’s their day today!

We should appreciate them daily for everything they have done for us and thank God for them. Pray blessing over them and good health, may everyday be mother’s day. With a random phone call saying “I Love You.”. Or take her out to breakfast on an ordinary day. Appreciate her!

&& To all the beautiful mothers out there…

 

THANK YOU!

Happy Birthday to Mom!

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Yes Yes Yes!

Today is my mothers birthday! I’m not with her to spend it with her, for the first year ever. I did send her a present though and of couse she liked it! I love my mom! Regardless of everything that has happened, she is still my mother, the one God gave me. & today is her birthday!

& Happy birthday if it’s your day too!